Here I am now, the big 5-0 and I know I did not get here alone. A millennia of women paved the way for me. For us.

As the youngest sibling and one of the youngest cousins by almost a decade, I never saw people 10-20+  years older than me as “old,” like many of my peers did.

While I’m hearing that mentorships are all the rage (I’m sure I’m dating myself with this phrase ??‍♀️)  this wasn’t an intentional practice to us Midlifers, who created our own informal mentorships in our friendships and colleagues.

The friends I’ve made, and to whom I naturally gravitated toward, became my mentors, quite probably, unbeknownst to them, or, me at the time. They are women, usually about a decade older, whom I admir(ed) for their insight, their authenticity, and most admirably, their humility. These courageous women went through a lot of tough sh!t and there they stand, owning their choices and revealing all of their scars, never hiding or pretending to be something they’re not.

They have been a vision of hope into my unknown future. They’ve embodied a graceful, humble, authentic wisdom that you can’t get from standing outside the fire (?Garth fans know what I’m talking about ?), not from avoiding the arena (Brene’ fans give me a ??).

I’ve recently come to realize that the impact of their wisdom is more clear to me now than a decade ago.

My three wise mentors have been Wisdom, Authenticity, and Inspiration:

1. Wisdom

At a half-century, I realize that I am all of that now too: I am an (ahem) older woman, to some, yes, but the beauty of it is I can feel the grace, the humility and the wisdom within. I am sure you will agree that at this point in our lives, we have been through the good, the bad and the ugly. We have made countless good and bad choices, and have laugh lines, as well as scars. We may not have always been the wisest, but we certainly earned our wisdom.

I used to take offense to that word: WISDOM. It somehow is associated with “old.” You know, the three wise men, the wise old owl, the wise and mighty oak. I am so over that now. I embrace WISE and all of its WISDOM. Bring it on.

Wisdom, if you couldn’t tell by now, is one of my favorite words. Some are blessed with wisdom at three years old (we usually call these people old souls) and some can never find it because they’re seeking something outside themselves. But, at some point, whether it’s at age 3 or 83, most of us get there so long as we pull that wisdom from within. And yes, sometimes all that pulling hurts, but it is necessary to reach the grace, the humility, and of course, that good old wisdom. I do believe that somewhere between 3 and 83 we lose that inner voice of wisdom amongst the outside voices throughout our lives, and we find it again, and then we remember that we had it all along.

2. Authenticity

So what have my mentor-friends taught me? That I can be my own mentor, that I don’t want someone’s persona, I want their real, raw radiance. That authenticity trumps pretense every time. Every time.

I don’t want your prim and proper persona, I want your real, raw radiance ~ CinDiLo

We can’t all be radiant every moment of every damn day, hell, some days my goal is to just not be a curmudgeon, you know, a miserable person who constantly complains. I can think of a few ?

I was headed down that path, my lineage has that trait, and if I kept it going, my “golden years’ would make everyone miserable, including myself. I work hard not to be that person. Every damn day.  Sometimes I’m on a minute to minute plan. There are times I don’t feel well or I feel overwhelmed and it is hard to stay in a “pleasant” state of mind. But, that’s life too. We can’t be happy 100% of the time, we shouldn’t be, that is actually not normal and it means you are stifling your feelings. But, those around you don’t have to suffer because of your mood.

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Don’t want to “grow old”? Then just be open enough to trust your inner wisdom and let it guide you. I have seen too many people, especially as they age, change into sad, angry people because they are so resistant to change. As the old cliché’ goes, the only thing that is constant is change. (Nerd Note: This cliché is actually a quote by Heraclitus, an ancient greek philosopher).

3. Inspiration

Most of us think “I will wait until I have more time, more money, less responsibility” blah blah blah. Well, tell me, when the hell is that going to be? Just do it. Most of the things we want don’t cost money, but we do have to invest time, which is more precious than money as the years roll on.

So, choose what activity you’d like to embark on. Start small by researching what you want to do, even what you used to do, what you loved and enjoyed before “life” got in the way.

Returning to jewelry making? Look for a blog by a jewelry maker, research gems and stones and tools. I am friends with a remarkable woman who wrote and illustrated a book during her lunch hours. It took two whole years, but guess what, those two years went by anyway. At the end, she had drafted a book ready for publication.

And before you say  “I can’t do that”  or “I don’t know how to do that” none of us knew how to do anything until we did it. Right?

She didn’t think she could do it either. But it kept her sane and it kept her dream alive which gave her purpose. Whether or not it was ever going to be published did not matter. It was the creation that was the joy.

P.S. It is now published and she released her 3rd children’s book! Click on her pic below for her Amazon Author page.

So don’t get caught up in the thought that something is a waste of time if it does not make you money or if it costs you money. You wouldn’t think twice about spending $50 on a toy for your grandchild or niece, would you? So it is ok to spend $50 once in a while on something that brings you joy and purpose. Go ahead, you are worth it.

So what do mentors, wisdom, authenticity, and inspiration have in common? THIS . . .

My mentors (“older” friends in disguise), with their wisdom and their authenticity, inspire me more today now that I am where they were, I clearly see the wisdom that their friendship bestowed upon me and it continues to be a guide as I navigate through midlife.

Their wisdom and example, taught me to embrace this stage of life with real and raw radiance.

Author’s Notes: Take some time to think about who influenced you to become the woman you are today. Comment below, I’d love to hear how certain people, who maybe were just a short story in your life, impacted you the most.~CinDiLo

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