Things changed very quickly around here this year. My sons are now young men. Such a bittersweet time in our lives as parents. I can feel the heaviness in the air for the next few weeks until my son leaves for college. We are so happy and proud, and yet so unsettled at the same time.
There are so many things I want to tell him, yet so many things I wish I didn’t have to tell him. He surely would say “what more could you possibly have to say to me after living with me for 18 years?” with a well-practiced eye roll and the teenage stance. Well, I am a Mom, so I will never stop having things to say to him, even after I am gone I will still be that voice inside of him. I hope the voice of reason, the voice of encouragement, and the voice that makes him laugh to himself once in a while and say “I miss that crazy woman.”
As much as I wish I could magically pour the wisdom of the ages into his brain, there are things I wish I didn’t have to tell him, yet I feel he must know the following as he embarks on one of the most exciting and challenging times in his life.
Dear Son:
There are things that we know you know, like how to be a friend; how to stand up for what you believe; and how to be responsible. For this we are grateful.
There are things we hope you never lose sight of like, trust your gut; do what you love; cherish people, not things; life is easier when you accept that the only thing constant is change; and that you are never alone in this life.
Then there are the hard conversations which I know we have touched on. Well, actually, I believe I talked and you said (with the well-practiced eye roll) “Mom, you don’t think I know these things? I’m not stupid. Stop worrying.”
Nevertheless, here are the things we wish you didn’t have to know:
We wish you didn’t have to know there will be some people, even those that call themselves friends, that may encourage you to drink until you’re laying in your own vomit and there is no one sober enough to get help. At a party, if you must go, bring your own drinks and never put them down. Yes, really, and no, this does not only happen to girls. No drug is safe, not a few pills, not a little weed, and especially not all at the same time.
Have protected sex. I know, condoms are not fun, but always be prepared. Having an STD is no fun either. And know that having a baby while you are trying to figure out your life and support yourself and a child will be a rough start for everyone involved. I always knew that you would never think twice about owning up to your responsibilities as a father from when you were three and people asked you “what do you want to be when you grow up?” you’d say “a dad” and that still makes my heart burst, however, I am not in any rush to be a grandma. Are you listening? Go back and read that last sentence again.
It is utterly important to also discuss consensual sex. I know that you have heard from us, the media, and school assemblies that it is NEVER okay to have sex without the other person’s consent, against their will, or while they are unconscious. Nor is it okay to know about your friends doing it, and to sweep it under the rug to protect your friends. In this situation, loyalty only goes so far, and that loyalty ended when your “friend” committed a violent crime against someone. It is most certainly not funny or cool or something to laugh about after a wild night of partying. Know that there is no gray area here.
We have become a video-first world. Everyone is watching you even when you don’t think so and everyone has video capability on their phone. I mean everyone, including your grandparents. Do not do anything that you wouldn’t want your grandparents to see on the 5:00 news. Sorry, not sorry.
And finally, (yes I am almost done here) keep your eyes open my son, but most of all don’t let your mother’s worries cloud your vision. Choose positive thoughts over negative. Choose love over fear. Choose to be present in every moment. Forge ahead and don’t look back. And if you happen to, we will always be in sight.
______________________________
Subscribe in the form on this page to When The Clock Strikes Midlife blog for the FREE ‘Midlife-On-Purpose Planner’ & the ‘Week-By-Week Intentional Living Worksheet’ tools for the Midlife woman to live life on purpose and CREATE her OWN happily ever after.
______________________________
* This website contains some affiliate links. I receive a commission on sales via the link to our vendor partner. Clicks are tracked by means of a code that is contained in my affiliate links. These affiliate links help us to cover the costs of hosting this website and provide you with quality items or services to enhance your (mid)life.
