In my 30s and 40s I was terrible at self-care. I put everyone else’s needs before mine. To the point that I would hold off going to the bathroom for ridiculous reasons, like let me finish washing the dishes or wait until I pick up my son from wherever.
I conditioned myself so well that I wouldn’t eat something in the fridge “in case the kids wanted it” only to throw it out a few days later because no one ate it. Sound familiar?
Self-Care 101: Go to the Bathroom
Really, does anyone my house or office care or know that I was doing this? No. They probably would think I was nuts for doing so and wouldn’t even understand that way of thinking. Am I right?
Except you, my fellow super-woman. I know you understand.
So what are we thinking? Do our own idiosyncrasies justify us being a martyr mom, wife, daughter, employee? For God sakes go to the bathroom woman!
Although I’ve read self-improvement books since I was a teen, I really wasn’t giving myself self-care until recently. Even in my 20s I was working a 9-5, going to school at night, planning a wedding and keeping up with a new apartment and adjusting to adulting. I ate nothing for breakfast, a take out for lunch and pizza muffins for dinner at 10 p.m. When I think of that now, yuck!
Now, almost an empty nester, I have been able to really focus on myself out of pure necessity due to health issues and the only way it worked was that I changed my thought process and strategy. Going to the bathroom when I need to has been a game changer. Guess I’ve been re-potty-trained.
The Art of Scheduling is in Increments
Before you can schedule me-time or free-time you have to make the time available. The first part of this is to identify time wasters. I bet most of your time is chipped away on your phone:
- reading blogs (except mine),
- scrolling through social media (except mine),
- checking emails (except from me),
- texts (except from me).
Set Aside Time Slots for Social Media
Timed routines will help with handling these time wasters. Set a doable time-frame each day you will check your social media. If you really want to scale it down and think you may have an addiction (there is such a thing), remove the social media apps from your phone entirely. This way you can only check on social media from a computer. This will drastically cut down on wasting time getting lost on social media. Most importantly you will be more present when working and with friends and family.
How to Stop Time: KISS
How to Travel in Time: READ
How to Escape Time: MUSIC
How to Feel Time: WRITE
How to Release Time: BREATHE
~ Author Matt Haig
[side note: while searching for this “Time” quote, I got sidetracked on my phone for 20 minutes. Go figure!]
Be Present and You Will Be More Peaceful
This (harder than it seems) technique really helped me when I was getting back into writing because once an alert pops up, your curious to check it out. You think “It will only take a few seconds to see who commented on the photo of my cat sleeping in the sink.” Am I right? Add those “few seconds” up over the course of a day and you may realize you’re wasting a whole hour where you could’ve been more productive. And I don’t mean productive as in getting an extra load of laundry done. I mean something meaningful to you, that will nourish your mind, body, and soul:
- Sit on the floor and play with your children or grandchildren.
- Take yourself and/or your pup for a refreshing walk
- Take a bubble bath with your partner
- You can do any of these things alone, too. That works better for me. I value my alone time and find I need it now to decompress from everyone and everything.
- Of course it’s your decision, but you will find that whatever you do in this 60 minutes, doing something that satisfies your mind, body, and/or soul, will bring you the most fulfillment. Your Facebook likes can wait. Your emails can wait. Your texts (yes, texts) can also wait. For friends and family who are too impatient to wait, sorry, not sorry.
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Now Let’s Schedule That Me-Time All Year Round
What to do: Schedule on your calendar ? 1 self-care activity per day, month, quarter & year that brings you joy. They need not be costly, yet a small investment of time in yourself is the key to self-care and adding more joy and peacefulness into your life. You can’t put a price on that.
How to do it: Get this month’s free 1-page Self-Care Planner, a tool to plan and try new things every day, week, month, and year.
DAILY: choose things that take just a few minutes and fit them into your every day:
- Meditate or just sit quietly as the morning sunlight comes in your window.
- Take a 5 minute walk through your favorite park.
- Drive by a nearby lake or beach and take in the scenery.
- Get your favorite coffee or tea and slowly savor each sip.
- Sing loudly at the top of your lungs while dancing in the kitchen or in your car.
WEEKLY: choose something you like to do often and replenishes your relationship with yourself and others.
- Exercise class.
- Take yourself out to lunch (bring your favorite book).
- Dinner date with your partner or your person.
- Take a long walk in nature listening to your favorite music or podcast.
MONTHLY: choose things that bring you joy and will give you something to look forward to each month:
- Dinner with gfs, partner, parents, neighbors.
- Read a book in your favorite genre
- Take an afternoon for yourself with uninterrupted window shopping, an hour at the beach, park, mountains either alone or with a loved one.
QUARTERLY: Events are a great quarterly activities. These can get costly but if you do some searching you can find fun local things to do:
- Visit a Farmers market or craft show.
- Find concerts or plays in a local park or theater.
- See a movie you’d enjoy.
- Take a day trip or weekend with your partner, sisters, gfs, or kids.
YEARLY: There’s some pressure on this one because a vacation is not possible for everyone. If you are unable to take the customary week-long vacation with family or friends you can get creative depending on your preferences:
- Schedule spa day by yourself.
- Enter a run, a hiking expedition, or a biking event
- Take a painting or writing class.
- Join a conference or personal development event.
However you do self-care, what’s most important is that you do it and that you do what’s restorative to you. Remember that nothing and no one can replace you. Nor can you do all the things you do without you being physically and emotionally well. So, please promise to set a self-care schedule, make yourself a priority and have fun!
Author’s Notes: 
Take some time to think about how you can give yourself the care you need and deserve. Make life an adventure, there’s no time for anything else! Comment below, I’d love to hear how you plan to bring self care into your every day, week, month, year.
~ CinDiLo
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