Midlife Stress is a time in a woman’s life that is often a breaking point, and then a turning point. You do not have to be reminded that you are probably dealing with some or all of these scenarios:  

• peri-menopause/menopause
• raising teenagers
• caring for now dependent parents
• illness of yourself, spouse, child, other family member
• career loss, stagnation, slump or the stress that comes with your new work roles if you still have your job and are now doing the work of five people who no longer have their job.

I think we all may have had a preconceived notion that when are kids are older, when our parents have a full-time caregiver, when my office hires a new assistant … life will get easier. Well sister, I’m sure you figured out by now that life just changes. In some ways it gets easier but in many, many other ways it gets harder. In addition to that, we are now older, our patience and our stamina may feel like an old dish rag, still useful but looking tattered and torn. 

1. Exercise: New studies show that sitting is the new smoking. Most of us are in front of a computer for a good part of the day whether we are employed, or not. Whether we have a desk job, or not. It is important to get up every 30 minutes and walk or stay upright for 5-10 minutes. In addition, exercising or at the very least,walking for 20 minutes 3 times a week is recommended. There apps that can remind you every hour to walk or drink water. I have a reminder on my calendar every hour on the hour between 9-5 because I have a tendency to get engrossed in my work and will literally forget to eat, drink, walk, and go to the bathroom. This is why self-care is so near and dear to me. I wrote about this in a prior blog post: ‘Go to the Bathroom’ and Other Self-Care Reminders

2. Nutrition: Feed your body properly by nourishing it with as many fresh, non-processed food as possible. I find that meal planning is really helpful with this. If my meals (breakfast and lunch) and snacks are prepared in advance, I am less likely to grab something fast or easier when I am hungry.  Although rigid planning is not for me, as a Gemini I do like to live on the edge a little and not plan every little thing in my life. However, this single-handily has kept me on track from eating unhealthy and not spending too much time or money on poor eating. 

I’ve found the best way to do this is to pick a day you can devote to this. Mine is Sunday if my schedule allows. I prepare and/or cook at least 3 breakfasts and lunches so it’s a no-brainer during the week and I just grab and go. I highly recommend this as a great way to stay on course, eat healthier, and for me, it helps me get to the office on-time because I am no longer fumbling for something to bring when I should have been out the door five minutes ago. Maybe that’s just me?

3. Support system of friends and/or family, a therapist, or a support group that you connect with so you don’t feel as if you are alone. As I’m aging I have the need to avoid energy suckers and drama kings and queens. 

I know this is especially hard if this is a close family member, or even your spouse or child, however, there are ways to protect yourself from their negative energy. You can still love them, be there for them (on your terms, not theirs), yet keep your boundaries. They may not like it at first, and neither will you since you may realize that you. have created this type of relationship. However, in time, everyone gets used to the way things are and adjusts. This scenario is even more important to practice self-care with boundaries for everyone in your life and if you stick to your guns, you will feel a weight off your shoulder.

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4. Sleep and Relaxation Techniques: We all know that at this time in our lives we have difficulty sleeping for physical and emotional reasons. As we wear many hats, and are aging ourselves, after two decades, doing it all for everyone else gets exhausting. We realize that we are burning out and need a life line. I am telling you, no one else cares, no one else gets it, you are the one living it, and you need a break. Now, not when the kids grow, when your mom gets an aide, when you’re retired, NOW! So, how do we do this?

Never underestimate the power of a 20 minute nap, if you are able. I was never a napper until recently. With so many sleepless nights for various reasons, sometimes I feel like a toddler who needs her binky and blankie and just needs to rest for a few minutes before I cry. Seriously, I usually feel better and can get through the day much more smoothly. On work-days of course, I cannot do that, but every so often on a Saturday or Sunday, when I can nap, it is pure bliss!

5. A hobby or activity that brings joy and fun into your life. If you are not sure where to start, here is an exercise that helps my students explore: close your eyes and go to the place or activity you loved as a child. The place you went where time stood still, yet flew by. That is where your passion is, your calling, your place of inner fulfillment.

What is it? Puzzles, writing poems, painting, telling scary stories, baking, museums, building things, riding a bike, playing the piano or drums? Pick one, or ten. Write it down. Google “how to get started doing (fill in the blank)” When the search results pop us, you will have a dozen resources to start.

And, just start. It’s for you, so you can fulfill yourself and then have enough for others.

Author’s Notes: Take some time to think about what lights you up and makes you come alive. If it’s been too long ago to remember, go back to the creative days in your childhood and explore how you can incorporate that into your life right now. Baby steps…Comment below, I’d love to hear about your new adventures.~ CinDiLo

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