Why do we like reading memoirs, biographies, autobiographies, and everyday people’s stories?  It is to connect in a way that makes us all human. To see that someone else on this planet also has been through it and we are seeing them on the other side. Their personal story is our story, with different names and dates.

This memoir is a culmination of Carly Israel healing herself, and her family through their generational trauma, her self-destructive habits, her broken family, love’s lost and found, and most admirably, the fierceness of a mother’s love and trusting her intuition.

Carly does a remarkable job of incorporating wit and humor into what may sound like dark subject matter. Trust me, you will want to hang out with her after reading it, or at least stalk her Facebook page like I did!

Carly Israel bares her soul and her shadows in her memoir, Seconds and Inches, so that we may find our connection to humanity. To connect to ourselves individually, and taking it a step further as being the generation who realized in order to heal ourselves, we have to go back a few generations so that we heal and move forward with that knowledge in raising our own children. Nothing happens by itself. We are the sum of all of our parts,

It all started as part of the journey in her recovery. Carly would publicly thank people and things in in her life in her Facebook posts like Patch the Pony, the name her classmates called her when she had to wear a patch on her eye, to whom she said “You humbled me and taught me how it feels when the mean kids target you and how I never want to make anyone feel that way, ever.” She even thanks God although she admits they have had a tumultuous relationship.

In those real and raw posts of gratitude, she confesses that she is thankful for it all. Even the things that were hurtful and hard because they brought into perspective that the good, the bad, and even the ugly shaped who she is and where she is today.

The vulnerability in this memoir is raw and real. Carly doesn’t hold much back in sharing her family’s generational stories, as well as her own personal struggles as she re-brands her beautiful messes into lessons into the life she is now intentionally creating.

Perhaps being about the same age (I am sure she’s younger), and our generations before us being about the same age, I relate to so many things in this memoir on a personal level:

• Generations before us holding traumas beyond our comprehension: and us consciously breaking the cycle with tools our generation was taught;
• Her letter to Patch the Pony: I, too was teased for wearing an eye patch as well as not being able to bend my left leg until I was 14 years old. I was called Peg Leg and kids would put pictures of a pirate on my desk;
• Her dad interacted through her mom: I am sure we are not the only ones whose dad does this. Answers the phone then hands it to your mother. There’s even a commercial about it, so it must be ’a thing’.
• Her youngest son Levi’s health issues: her details accounts gave me perspective as a parent since I was the youngest of three girls and had a birth defect that had me hospitalized for the first 13 months of my life. My parents, and my sisters went through a lot of scary and sad times dealing with my health issues and it effects them all to this day. I recently had an It’s a Wonderful Life moment when my sister said “it had a huge impact… thank God you survived, I don’t think any of us would have been the same, especially Mom and Dad.”
• Carly’s struggle with God and her perception of God: I can imagine there’s many of us out there who struggled with God. Mine was the Roman Catholic God whom I was taught sits on a throne in the sky and is the reason for everything. Oh, and you should fear him, yea, there’s that. I embrace Carly’s version as a God who is by your side in good & bad, not necessarily to “fix” everything.

After the read and my personal connection to her memoir, I had questions for Carly so that I could delve deeper into the stories and lessons in this book. This memoir transcends generations and brings us perspective in the timeless and timely story of healing the past to intentionally create our future as humans on this earth. Humanity needs this lesson now more than ever.

Below is our deeper discussion, and more about her back story. I love backstories.

1. CinDiLo: The past decade has many recognizing and discussing generational trauma and breaking family cycles. What do you think contributed to society collectively, and consciously working toward healing this at this point in time?

Carly Israel: Before I wrote this memoir, I had never heard the term “generational trauma,” now I cannot go a single day without hearing it.  Kind of like when you purchase a red car and then see red cars everywhere.  I have been aware of breaking family cycles.  First, with our alcoholism. Myself, my mother, and her mother are all sober.  My grandmother’s father, was most likely one of us, too.  And who knows how far back it goes in our family tree. Because we are not able to trace anything beyond the Holocaust, it stops with us.  

And there was a pivotal moment in my life when my grandmother’s alcoholism was glaring and we were at her house for Shabbos dinner, and I looked to see my young boys and remembered myself at their age at the same Shabbos table and made a different choice than what was made for me.  I did not give her an ultimatum or a threat.  I just removed my boys from the illness.  I told her that we would not be able to come for Shabbos dinner any longer.  Up to that night, our family had been gathering for Shabbos dinners, every Friday, since before I was born.  It was the most sacred occasion for my grandmother. She cooked a feast, bringing dish after dish, never missing a dinner, not even on the same day she was treated for breast cancer. 

For me to tell her we could no longer show up, she has since told me, was the “straw” that broke the camel’s back.  

A happier break in the cycle for our family was my graduation of higher learning.  I was the first female in my family to have graduated from college and graduate school.  

As to why we are more willing to discuss this real issue, I don’t know.  Maybe because the generation before us was merely trying to survive.  Most of them, mine included, were.

2. CinDiLo: What are your thoughts that with each younger generation the horrors and struggles our ancestors experienced are perceived as “so long ago” that they are disconnected from it? 

Carly Israel: This is a great question and a huge fear of mine.  How could it not be?  My three boys, great-grandchildren of Holocaust survivors, only will remember their great grandparents in pictures and moments.  Luckily, their grandmother, Lulu, is still here and they love her, but it is my responsibility is to keep their stories alive.  This is why, while I don’t love or spend the energy pushing Hebrew school or the religion of Judaism, I spend a great deal of energy and time with my children, discussing the hate, watching the films, reading the books, and finding parallels within the injustice that is happening today in society. 

It is so eye-opening that in America today, especially in the America of 2020, white supremacy, Black Lives Matter, children in cages, hate graffiti, hate crimes, all of the ugliness, is exactly what happened with our ancestors.  

What comes to mind is that horrifying poem by a German pastor who was sent to a Concentration Camp for his beliefs: 

First, they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

I firmly believe, if we, meaning us, those reading this very article, it is up to each of us, to not only tell the stories but speak up for those whose voices cannot be heard.  If we don’t we are just as guilty. The only disconnection will happen if our current generation doesn’t do our job.  

3. CinDiLo: How do you feel social media is influencing our society? The good, the bad, and the ugly, thoughts too, please.

Carly Israel: Social media, like everything else, is not all bad or all good, but it has its place.  One of the beliefs I have about my use of social media, especially FB, because our generation is mostly on FB, my feed or my wall is my world.  I cannot control the media, the government, the world around me, but I absolutely can control who I see and hear on my feed. 

I personally do not want any “friends” on my feed that support this current president.  For me, this is not a political statement, it is a moral one.  My son, who is mentioned in my memoir, has two potentially fatal medical conditions and he would be excluded from insurance based on what the current administration wants.

As a woman, my body, my choice, is not a slogan, it is a right and one that many fought for with all of their lives.  The idea that the current administration wants to regulate a woman’s body is insane.  As a woman, hearing the disgusting words that have come directly out of our current president’s mouth, make me want to scream and pull out my hair when I see women support him.  I used to believe that the president was someone to use as an example of the kind of person children should look up to and admire.  I cannot even have my TV volume on “45,” because I am so opposed to all that he stands for.  

So the long answer is, my social media is my only opportunity to create a safe space for me to escape to.  I get to decide whose voices I hear and whose memes I see. 

Some say that my bold stance is going to eliminate readers or future clients and I can honestly say, I am comfortable with that  

One other important issue is body image, specifically for women.  I am recovered from an eating disorder.  From age 9 until 21, I actively harmed my body by starvation, extreme exercise, restrictions and purging.  When I finally ended the physical torture, I then lived for the next, almost 20 years, with internal hate for my own body.  And while I no longer was making myself throw up or starving myself, I was still inwardly really mean. 

About a year plus ago, I made the decision to get help for this miserable inner dialogue and hired an incredible coach, Sara Heilman, and I am in the best place I have ever been with the kindness and the inner voice.  Because of this, I specifically do not follow anything or anyone who promotes that vision of “beauty” that makes women or young ladies believe that in order to be wanted or pretty we have to be a skeleton.  

4. CinDiLo: I imagine your memoir was cathartic for you, would you consider your memoir your midlife awakening?

Carly Israel: Wow, this question is not one I have ever considered.  I would say, “no.”  I would say that my midlife awakening was my divorce. That was the most challenging and life changing experience of my life.  It was my Renaissance.  My memoir was cathartic and hearing others share their impressions of my words is even more so.  My memoir has been one of the greatest dreams of my life.  If you would have asked me, “What is something that if you do not attempt before you die will you be upset about?”  My memoir was top of the list.  I am a big believer in stepping out of what is comfortable and blazing a trail and daring to dream. 

5. CinDiLo: From your personal experiences, what words of wisdom do you have for readers in their times of struggle and crisis in their lives?

Carly Israel: I would say a few.  One, work so much harder at loving yourself than anything else you are working on.  Two, ask yourself what truly matters to you.  Make yourself write the top 5 most important things in your life and then ask yourself if you are spending enough time on those 5 and if not, make that happen.  Three, spend the next half of your life letting go of others’ approval and focus on what kind of a human you want to be.  And then go be that.

We could all use a little healing in 2020, so I encourage you to go through her publisher’s page at https://jadedibispress.com/product/seconds-and-inches/ and order Seconds and Inches by Carly Israel for yourself and as holiday gifts.

You can listen to Carly on her podcast  Northstar Big Book, A Big Book Study Podcast. She also hosts In Your Corner Divorce Podcast   to help you rewrite the story of divorce for yourself, your children and the universe. She blends her real-life experience as a divorcee, single parent and bad-ass warrior of humanity right into your ears.learn about her work as a co-parenting coaching on her site Coaching with Carly-In Your Corner Divorce 

I was also so happy to see Carly’s memoir praised by author and public speaker Jennifer Pastiloff as a “haunting and beautiful” memoir, Seconds and Inches is a story of recovery and transformation, and a thoughtful reflection on generational trauma, gratitude, and forgiveness.”

You may remember I attended Jen’s workshop and in NYC, on the day of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, 2019 (Remember parades? Remember in-person workshops, sigh, I digress). Catch my review of Jen’s workshop here 5 Take Aways from ‘On Being Human’ Workshop in NYC named after Jen’s memoir which came out in 2019 On Being Human

Ahhhh! I am soooo inspired by these two women! Maybe I’ll start my memoir!?!

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Check out ALL When the Clock Strikes Midlife links to: Book, Blog, FB Journaling Group, IG, etc. in my Linktree

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