When did you have your “moment?” You know, your Jerry McGuire meltdown, whether outward or inward. That moment you said to yourself, and perhaps out loud, “WTF? Enough is enough! I can’t live like this anymore.”  

I know exactly when and where I was, even though I can’t remember what I had for lunch today. I was 41 years old and working at a job where I sent an email to my team that the project I was working on had to be put on hold, someone else had to take the reins because I was leaving the office to head to the hospital because my mother was dying. My warm and fuzzy boss replied to my email saying only these 4 little words … “I need it now!”

That’s was it, the moment I realized life is too short to live under such stressful circumstances for such a heartless person. That is the defining moment that stopped me in my tracks, shook my shoulders and said “how the hell did you get here? You deserve better.”

“How the hell did you get here? You deserve better.”

Within one month of my mother’s passing, my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer, I had a full time job, a busy family and I knew I had to make some serious changes. What did I do? Why, in my true form, I added more stress to my life by going back to college to finish my bachelor’s degree. My strongest motivation was to get away from my horrible boss, but it was also something I was doing just for myself and it was now or never at 42 years old. I said to my friend, who thought I was crazy “The next 3 or 5 years will go by anyway, I might as well have a degree in my hand.” As you can imagine, with all of these balls juggling in the air, something had to give.

What were your favorite things to do as a child? Go DO them. That is where your JOY is ~ CinDiLo

I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. During tragedies and trials, it is difficult to have faith in this theory, however, good or bad, I do believe it to be true. To prove my theory, I was blessed by being laid off from my job, which created some of its own stresses, but, I was able to help my father, be there for my tweens, focus on finishing my degree and get a much needed break from doing it all.

Don’t get me wrong, I had to pound the pavement for a new job, in order to keep sane the meantime, I went within. I re-started yoga for probably the 5th time in my life. I then found online meditations and created my own mantra, which brought me back to my passion . . . writing. I began to intentionally find and do things that brought me joy. For the first time in a very long time, I was not just plodding along to complete all the tasks I ‘had to” do. Through the emergence of social media I was able to connect with like-minded entrepreneurs, spiritual leaders, and writers which helped me reconnect with myself. To find my midlife purpose, I reminded myself of all of those things I used to be when I was a child: a dreamer, a writer, a poet, a networker/connector, an animal lover, a humanitarian. I re-membered ME.

Was this my midlife crisis? Maybe. But, hey, at least I was crisis-ing in a positive way and not drinking (does wine count?), cheating, or buying a convertible Corvette (I still want that convertible).

I’m not here to fool you. I wasn’t always this enlightened, if you will. As a matter of fact I had a good friend fooled for many years. She said that I was one of the most level headed people she knew and she always felt I gave good advice. As flattered as I was I felt like an imposter, can’t she see I’m was a constant worrier? I am emotional and overthink everything? And as much as I hate to admit this one, a people pleaser! These are still things I work on every day… Every. Day.

Getting to this point in my life where I try, intentionally, to live with more presence and patience was somewhat of a slow conscious decision that had been happening as I began my forties. However, my Jerry McGuire moment was the catapult that forced me to go back to my childhood dreams in order to plan my future.

That moment was the catapult that forced me to go back to my childhood dreams in order to plan my future.

I know I am lucky to be alive, lucky to be on this earth for five decades and most of all, I am grateful that I have been open to the wisdom in the aftermath of my midlife crash. It literally changed the course of my life. That’s my story.

Author’s Notes: What were your favorite activities as a child? Puzzles, writing poems, painting, telling scary stories, museums, building things, riding a bike, playing the piano? The place you went where time stood still, yet flew by. That is where your passion is, your calling, your place of peace. Close your eyes and go there. In the comments below, share which one of your passions you will start this week. I hope it’s something fun, silly, mindless, yet mindful, a time waster, yet, a time filler. Whatever, but choose it, and do it! ~ CinDiLo

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