Those of you that follow this blog, know I share my midlife journey here and I use my insight to encourage your dreams through self-care, personal growth and heart-centered work. Today, I’m going to be honest, I’m feeling a little lost, tired, and unmotivated. And I’m hoping you could help me get out of my funk. Here, on the eve of 51, I’m remembering that Vulnerability was my Word of the Year and that now, half-way through the year I realize that I went a bit off course. In my new year posts I talked of living 2019 with more vulnerability. With “putting myself out there,” writing more, starting my book, loving more, judging less, starting my book, worrying less, starting my book. Did I mention ‘starting my book’?
So while I look back on 2019 so far, I know I made a conscious effort to do those things along the way. However, I keep letting myself get distracted while my dream is always fluttering behind me like Tinkerbell.
Therefore, in the spirit of practicing vulnerability, I share with you that while my social media may be encouraging you, and giving you advice on self-care, growth, and confidence, there’s days I am lacking too. Today is one of those days.
About a month ago, I finally started compiling my writings for ‘starting my book’ You know, my “dream” I’ve been meaning to make come true for 30 years now? I started it in April. I got excited about it. Then, I let myself get sidetracked by every living thing on the planet. I stopped for a week to write a blog post that I struggled to write. I stopped to create posts for social media. I stopped to start another short-term project that may be more lucrative right now. I stopped to take a nap on a Sunday instead of writing.
This, I now recognize, is what I’ve read about self-sabotage but never thought it pertained to me. “I don’t do that.” I’d lie to myself. “I want my dreams to come to fruition, why would I do that?” Well I did, I have, I am. My actions speak louder than my words.
The more I avoid “my dream” of writing a book, the more I fall off-course. I start to let the fear creep in and these thoughts that “no one is listening, or reading, or getting you, or your stuff.” “No one cares. You are not even making money from your writing, with the exception of a few published articles.” “It’ll happen some day, but not today.”
Now comes the hard conversation with myself: “Ok girl, with only a few hours of being 50, and being 50-something, when, exactly, is someday?” “Kids are grown, almost flown. You need to rest, but you need to soar. There hasn’t been anything else you’ve want more.” … Do I always speak to myself in rhyme?
While I’m no slacker, I’ve always handled many projects at once, and I’ve always thrived in that environment. More recently though, I feel a need to slow down, which is ok and necessary as the last ten years have been too much running and doing for everyone.
I guess right now I’m torn between resting & writing & dreaming & hustling. For now, I will take the much needed rest, much needed self-care, and much needed self-love. Once restored, I will take Tinkerbell by the wings, and soar!
Author’s Notes: 
Take some time to think about what you do to restore yourself…Please share in comments below how you help yourself get out of a funk. I love hearing from my tribe and look forward to your creative suggestions. ~CinDiLo
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